A good piece recently appeared in the Wall Street Journal concerning improving your mood to have sex. This is important for all couples, young and old. Very well done. Here are a few highlights:
- It can be hard to get sex started, especially now. Even couples who still desire each other may fall out of sync or miscommunicate about when to be intimate. After all, we’re stressed and exhausted from the pace of postpandemic life. When we finally fall into bed at night, that arm reaching out for us can sometimes feel like another task on our to-do list.
- That is, if we even get the hint. Sex therapists say that the act of initiating sex can be hard for long-term couples because it’s easy to miss each other’s cues. You may think that the foot rub you’re giving your partner is an obvious hint that you’re ready for sex; she may be thrilled just to get off her feet. This leaves plenty of opportunity for hurt feelings.
- Heterosexual women fantasize about initiating sex more than they do in real life, while heterosexual men fantasize about initiating it less.
- Many relationships start off hot and heavy, so couples who struggle with initiating sex are often surprised, psychologists say. But that level of urgent desire typically fades over time. “Sex doesn’t always happen naturally. There are times when you need to put a little effort.
- How can you initiate sex better? Here is some advice from the experts. Start with a chat. Begin with a compliment, reassuring your partner that you still find him or her attractive and enjoy it when you have sex. Ask about any roadblocks. Is your partner experiencing a sexual difficulty, or too stressed to feel desire? Does he or she want something different? Initiate early. For many people, initiating sex means expressing that they want to have sex right now. But it may not be easy for your partner to rev up quickly. Start your approach earlier in the day or the week.
“Right Mood, Wrong Time.” Wall Street Journal (Feb. 8, 2023).