Monthly Archives: September 2014
Economic Stability and Marriage — Is it Now a Prerequisite?
Economic stability is now seen by many as a prerequisite for marriage. This leads to couples delaying marriage until later in life. Couples can benefit from couples counseling over this issue. Especially how to pull their lives together before or after achieving economic stability.
“Financial Security and New Marriages.” New York Times (Sept. 24, 2014).
Choosing a Therapist — Some Suggestions.
Some hints on finding the right therapist: word-of-mouth recommendations from friends; being comfortable with the therapist’s office environment; therapist should being a good listener. Some things you need to do at the outset of therapy: ask questions; find out what you are requested to do; give feedback. These are sensible suggestions. Remember the therapeutic relationship should be a challenge that helps you progress towards a positive outcome and a viable solution to your concerns.
“To Find the Right Therapist.” Wall Street Journal (Sept. 23, 2014).
Counseling Couples — Inheritances for Adult Children — Should Couples Spend the Money?
This new article discusses couples counseling and the issue of inheritances for adult children. It contends that after a lifetime of giving parents should no longer have an obligation of giving an inheritance. Surprisingly, it states that most adult children don’t have expectations of inheritance. This may be one view but it is certainly not so clear cut. Couples counseling over money issues including inheritances is always difficult. It involves many concerns and always needs to be tailored to the individual family.
“Parents, Adult Children and Inheritances.” New York Times (9.21.14)
New Study …. “Happy Wife, Happy Marriage.”
This new study finds, not unexpectedly, that a happy wife makes for a happier marriage. Of course, the key is good communication between the husband and wife. What is interesting is that the study focuses on the husband making sure the wife is happy. That’s very interesting. But I would suggest that it is also up to the wife. Both the husband and wife are responsible for keeping the marriage happy.
“New Study — Happy Wife, Happy Life.” NBC News (Sept. 19, 2014).
Beyond Marriage — The Need for Responsible Parenthood.
The author concludes that “We also need a new ethic of responsible parenthood.” Meaning you don’t have kids until you have a stable relationship, presumably one involving marriage. The decline of marriage and the growth of having children outside of marriage is a result of many factors. I agree. This is a complex situation but individual responsibility is of paramount concern. It needs to be reinforced for everyone’s concern.
“Beyond Marriage.” New York Times (Sept. 14, 2014).
New Mothers and Hospitals — Mother’s Choice, No Bullying.
I found the article ‘Baby Friendly Hospitals…” in the Washington Post on September 11th true and interesting. As a psychotherapist I see the importance of building confidence in new mothers and helping them have respected choices. Hospitals such as VHC and Fairfax Hospital may have good intentions in their zealous approaches but their staff, especially their lactation specialists, needs to learn how not to bully and create undo pressure for new moms. They need to stop creating guilt and let new moms make a choice and have a voice.
“Baby-Friendly Policies” Washington Post (Sept. 11, 2014).
Sandy Malawer is the Director of the Family Therapy Center of McLean and counsels new and expecting parents.
Cooperation and Parenting for the Divorced Couples.
‘Cooperation’ should be the primary method for divorced couples in confronting and managing child issues. ‘Cooperative parenting’ including ‘cooperative law’ (mediation and arbitration procedures) helps negate the conflict in parenting relationships that can go on through issues of grandchildren.
“How Divorced Parents Lost Their Rights.” New York Times (Sept. 7, 2014)
Scandal and Survival of Marriage — What about Governor McDonnell?
Yes, a marriage can survive scandal. The defense strategy in the former Virginia governor’s marriage was quickly seen right through by the jury. If this was just a legal strategy and not reality the couple might survive. But there are still many unknowns in this unfortunate situation.