Monthly Archives: April 2024

After 50 & Dating Online — It Really Works.

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     Dating online for ‘older men and women’ has increased significantly. Initially, it’s a bit confusing. But it does open up new worlds and often lead to greater individual awareness and happiness. The following are a few quotes from a recent article that interviewed many participants. It’s a generally very upbeat assessment.

 

  • As tough as the process can be, older women have it worse than most. They report more negative online-dating experiences compared with men of all ages and younger women.  

 

  • There’s also less pressure to marry the second time around. Only 15 percent of previously married women say they want to do it again …. Men, by contrast, have narrower social circles and emotional friendships than women do. Without a partner, they can feel more adrift and remarry quickly.

 

  • The assumption that you will merge households declines. If parents or your community pushed you to marry a certain type of person in your 20s — because of religion, socioeconomic status, profession, race, sexuality, gender — that pressure may have dissipated or vanished.

 

  • When I first started dating online, it felt as if a fire hydrant had opened — men appearing across my feed from different geographic areas, of different ages, races, professions. Since then, I have gone on dates and been in relationships with men who are smart, kind, funny and irreverent and who have lived in Maine, Boston, New York City, Ohio — which means I never would have met them without the apps.

 

  • Always, in some way, the conversation comes around to sex. Some describe their sex experiences after marriage as the most expansive of their lives. After one woman divorced, she set her online age parameters for men down to their 20s and 30s with the intention of having flings. She made sure they lived in a different neighborhood, so she could separate her hookups from the rest of her life.

 

  • In one Match survey, single people over 60 reported having more frequent orgasms than younger single people. And they are the least likely age group to fake orgasms. They also tend to be communicative: 57 percent said they feel comfortable asking their partner for exactly what they want in sex. That ease and honesty may be related to the fact that people grow more confident and happy in their 60s, according to multiple studies.

 

  • Until she finds the right matches, she continues to unabashedly audition men who connect with her on dating apps. At her age, she, like many women I spoke to, has a better sense of who she is and what she desires, and sees no point in hiding it. “If I bat my eyes, I could get further. But for what?” There’s no sense in wasting time when life is growing too short.

“Couples Dating Online After 50.” New York Times (April 15, 2024).

Anxious Parents & University Students — Are Anxious Parents Part of the Problem?

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Mental health issues on camps are exploding. A good piece appeared today in the New York Times. It focuses on the anxiety of parents, as a newer development. The bottom line is that parents need to listen and to be supportive. Do not jump in. Mostly, student anxiety is situational. Students need a responsible adult to show them the way. This is good advice for new students, graduate students, law students and all students — and their parents. Universities, the economy and society are becoming more anxiety producing. Here is some basic advice and a few good quotes …………

 

  • Parents are allowing their anxiety to take over, and it’s not helping anyone, least of all their children …. Anxiety about anxiety has gotten so bad that some parents actually worry if their student isn’t anxious. This puts a lot of pressure on unanxious students — it creates anxiety about anxiety about anxiety.
  • As for your kids, I would like to help you with some age-appropriate remedies. If your child calls during the first weeks of college feeling anxious, consider saying any of the following: You’ll get through this; this is normal; we’ll laugh about this phone call at Thanksgiving. Or, say anything that was helpful to you the last time you started something new. Alternatively, you could say nothing. Just listening really helps.
  • I worry that the current obsession with mental health awareness is disempowering parents from helping their adult children handle ordinary things. People are increasingly fearful that any normal emotion is a sign of something serious.
  • But if you send your adult children to a mental health professional at the first sign of distress, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to strengthen your relationship with them. 
  • This is the beginning of their adult relationship with you. Show them the way.
  • The transition to college is full of excitement and its cousin, anxiety. I enjoy shepherding young people through this rite of passage. Parents should try enjoying it, too.

                “Anxious Parents Need Help.” New York Times (April 11, 2024)

LAW STUDENTS & MENTAL HEALTH — MUCH MORE NEEDS TO BE DONE.

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     Mental health of law students has become a major issue in many law schools today. An earlier article sounded the alarm. I’ve reproduced some excerpts from that article. This is extremely important. Corrective action in law school as well as the profession has already begun. But many students continue to suffer — especially newer women and minorities.  More needs to be done.  I know this first-hand. My husband has been a law professor for many years and my two kids (son and daughter) are now lawyers working in public service with federal agencies. I worked at one time at a university helping students with mental health issue.

 

  • It’s no secret that the legal profession can often be a high-pressure working environment; lawyers are the second most stressed professionals in the country. Some universities are therefore taking steps to help students better cope with academic pressures and the transition from legal education to a career as a lawyer.

  • Despite the profession making loud noises about the importance of improving mental health among students and graduates, the reality is junior lawyers remain overworked 17% of young lawyers are working 48 hours or more, with statutory minimum of 20 days and training contracts are being used to deliver services blighted by gaps in public funding.

  • The workaholic culture appears to start at university. Unlike their cohorts, law students had very little free time to pursue activities unrelated to the profession. Anything legal students did outside of their studies was related to law.

  • In a separate study of millennial lawyers, reported similar struggles to find a work-life balance. Junior lawyers also admitted they felt that university didn’t prepare them enough for the level of stress in the profession, and the study heard stories of trainees not sleeping or crying in the office toilets. 

  • Career pressure starts early for law students – here’s how to cope. Competition at university for academic and professional prowess, as well as a culture of perfectionism, exacerbates this pressure. Students were comparing themselves to others and then feeling deficient, like they were the only ones who didn’t understand something or were the only ones who were struggling.

  • Don’t go it alone. If you are in work and feeling overwhelmed, definitely go and speak to a colleague. Confide in someone and tell them how you are feeling and see if you can get additional support.

  • Remind yourself of all the achievements you have had and make a realistic plan for how you are going to get through it all. Most importantly, many people feel this way. You won’t be the only person who has ever felt like that.

                     “Mental Health and Law Students.” The Guardian (2019).