Monthly Archives: March 2015
Couples Arguing — Different Version of Events …. How to Move on.
Recent article discusses why couples have different versions of events and how they lead to arguments and what to do to overcome differing perceptions. Needless to say better communication could avoid this but certainly can overcome it. Several good rules.
- Assume good intent. Most likely, your partner is not lying when his or her story differs from yours. Your memories of the event are simply different.
- Accept that there is not one version of events. Both stories may have some validity.
- Do not argue based on memories. Let go of ‘you did this,’ ‘no I didn’t.’
- Focus on the truth of how the event made you feel, not your memory of what happened.
- Practice collaborative memory. Recall joyful events—the birth of a child, a favorite vacation, the day you got the keys to your home.
“Honey, You Never Said …” Wall Street Journal (March 24, 2015).
Avoiding a Narcissistic Child — What is the Parent’s Role?
Good article about what couples should do in their parenting to avoid a “me-centered child” growing into “another narcissist.” Better communication all around helps. But some dispute over the parent’s role but a very thoughtful piece.
“Are you Giving the World Another Narcissist?” Washington Post (March 19, 2015).
Foreign Postings, Foreign Affairs and Divorces — Not Necessarily Any More.
The conventional wisdom is that a foreign posting for a corporate executive or professional can exacerbate marital problems and add new tensions. Some destinations particularly Asia and the Middle East have been traditionally viewed as notorious for ending in divorce. That’s because many foreign women think all American men are rich. This view also acknowledges that there are unique and tricky child-custody issues that often fall within the 1980 Hague Convention. That’s true.
However, much has changed in the last few years to challenge this conventional wisdom. Essentially with 21st century Internet and telecommunications spouses and children are still connected with friends and relatives back home. Often the spouse also works in the same company or a local job.
But after saying that the important fact to mitigate a higher divorce rate of couples living abroad is to openly communicate and be involved in each other’s lives. Foreign experiences should not necessarily end in marital discord. It should be a time of wonderful living and learning.
Bruno, “A Foreign Posting and Divorce.” Washington Post (March 19, 2015).
Active Love Life and Higher Cognitive Functioning — Yes, They are Related.
New study concludes that an active love life seems to be linked to higher cognitive functioning. This is especially true as one gets older. This is a good study and gives you much evidence of the link between sexuality and cognitive functioning. Needless to say that you need to have good communications with your partner to make sure this happens.
Couples-Counseling Connection --- Marriage & Family (McLean, Virginia). 