COUNSELING FOR BETTER COMMUNICATIONS. Blog by Sandy Malawer, Director, Family Therapy Center in McLean, Virginia. www.Counseling-Connection.net 703.893.9063 / 703.346.7065 (cell). E-Mail … SandyMalawer@Counseling-Connection.net
Mental health issues on camps are exploding. A good piece appeared today in the New York Times. It focuses on the anxiety of parents, as a newer development. The bottom line is that parents need to listen and to be supportive. Do not jump in. Mostly, student anxiety is situational. Students need a responsible adult to show them the way. This is good advice for new students, graduate students, law students and all students — and their parents. Universities, the economy and society are becoming more anxiety producing. Here is some basic advice and a few good quotes …………
Parents are allowing their anxiety to take over, and it’s not helping anyone, least of all their children …. Anxiety about anxiety has gotten so bad that some parents actually worry if their student isn’t anxious. This puts a lot of pressure on unanxious students — it creates anxiety about anxiety about anxiety.
As for your kids, I would like to help you with some age-appropriate remedies. If your child calls during the first weeks of college feeling anxious, consider saying any of the following: You’ll get through this; this is normal; we’ll laugh about this phone call at Thanksgiving. Or, say anything that was helpful to you the last time you started something new. Alternatively, you could say nothing. Just listening really helps.
I worry that the current obsession with mental health awareness is disempowering parents from helping their adult children handle ordinary things. People are increasingly fearful that any normal emotion is a sign of something serious.
But if you send your adult children to a mental health professional at the first sign of distress, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to strengthen your relationship with them.
This is the beginning of their adult relationship with you. Show them the way.
The transition to college is full of excitement and its cousin, anxiety. I enjoy shepherding young people through this rite of passage. Parents should try enjoying it, too.
This is a summary of an article that recently appeared on MSN (March 21, 2024). It’s really clear and concise about dealing with ADHD in a personal relationship.
You have a partner with ADHD and are excited to make plans. You enjoy spending time together and talking for hours. But, sometimes, things irk you in your relationship. You know your partner wants to see you, but you don’t understand why your partner is always running late.
Your partner cares, but you don’t understand why they forget your birthday. You know your partner wants to discuss things that bother you, but you don’t understand why you have so many communication problems with your ADHD partner.
Usually, partners with ADHD are described as friendly, very busy doing many things at one time, and sometimes appear moody. They may also communicate in ways that cause problems in their relationships without being aware they are doing so.
Four Characteristic:
Hyper-focusing on their partner at the beginning of the relationship.
Partners with ADHD may hyper focus on their partners. At the beginning of your relationship, hyper-focusing keeps partners engaged and motivated to see each other. You might like your partner’s attention and the ability to make you feel special.
As the relationship progresses, since the partner with ADHD has difficulty regulating their attention and is drawn to novel and new experiences, their attention on the relationship might wane.
High sensitivity to criticism.
Partners with ADHD are very sensitive to criticism for forgetting things, losing their keys, being late for appointments, and not picking up items at the store. They may blame their partner for many of the issues in the relationships, such as losing a job due to issues of procrastination, not following through or meeting deadlines, not carrying their weight in the relationship, or the relationship not being fair and balanced.
The partner with ADHD frequently holds a lot of shame around their mistakes and challenges in their life and relationship. This problem also leaves them feeling and viewing themselves as defective, less than, or not good enough.
Forgetfulness, interruptions, and jumping topic-to-topic during conversations.
When partners with ADHD can’t remember what they were going to say, impulsively interrupt, jump from topic to topic, the other partner can feel frustrated and irritated by these behaviors.
A partner with ADHD may have a tendency to interrupt, impulsively answer, and not wait for their turn to respond. They may have difficulty following the thread of the conversation, especially in a crowded room or with distractions, such as cell phones.
Distraction.
If you are trying to talk and a partner with ADHD keeps looking away or has difficulty following the conversation, sometimes the other partner will feel rejected, abandoned, or unloved by these behaviors.
Conclusion — ADHD does not have to negatively impact your relationship, but you will need to understand the challenges and issues to be able to address them. All couples have communication problems, but when you have a partner with ADHD, you need to learn more effective methods of solving your communication problems.
A good article recently appeared discussing the difference between ‘family therapy’ and ‘family counseling.’ Slight differences, it’s an interesting discussion. Here are some excerpts.
Family counseling is a discipline of therapy focused on finding solutions for the challenges and complexities that may arise in family life. Also called marriage and family therapy (MFT), clinicians work to improve communication among family members and adjust the dynamics between members of the family that may result in dysfunction. The terms “family counseling” and “family therapy” are often used synonymously, but it is important to note that family counseling, like other forms of counseling, may be defined by some clinicians as shorter in duration and more solutions-focused than family therapy.
Family counseling has evolved and developed over the decades and now incorporates practices and methods from several schools of thought.
Structural Family Therapy: This method examines the rules and power dynamics of the family. In structural family therapy, the therapist may be more involved than other types of treatment and help to reorganize the structures of the family to improve how people feel in the family and create a more cohesive unit.
Cognitive Behavioral :Couples Therapy: Applying the same principles as cognitive behavioral therapy, this modality encourages couples to identify and name the patterns of behavior causing them or their partner distress in the relationship, with the clinician teaching skills to help confront and change these patterns.
Couples and Marriage Counseling: This approach focuses on relationship problems. Therapists typically meet with both partners at the same time to identify the challenges they face and disagreements they may have and help the couple find better solutions for how to communicate, find mutually acceptable solutions, and work as a team.
A licensed marriage and family therapist (MFT or LMFT) is a mental health practitioner with a master’s or doctoral degree. MFTs typically train under a supervisor for two years, or 3,000 clinical hours, and must pass an exam to receive licensure.
When seeking a family counselor, it’s important to choose someone with whom you and your family members trust and feel comfortable talking about what can be difficult topics. Studies have shown that the quality of the relationship between client and therapist is one of the most important factors for a successful outcome.
Family therapy has expanded in popularity significantly in recent years. One study found that as many as 70 percent of psychotherapists now offer treatment to couples or families.
Whatever the makeup of the family unit, learning and practicing the skills of respectful communication, mutual understanding, and harmonious conflict resolution have made a difference in the lives of many families across the world.
A good article recently appeared discussing anti-anxiety drugs. This is especially important as anxiety among individuals and couples is escalating for numerous reasons. This article discusses the masking effect of these drugs and the great importance of confronting your fears. Here are some excerpts:
Many people don’t think twice about unwinding with a prescription benzodiazepine that can instantly bring physical calm, such as Klonopin, Ativan or Xanax.
The problem is that when you start taking a benzo, the brain reduces its natural output of GABA, which means that tapering off the medication can result in even worse symptoms of anxiety, along with extremely unpleasant withdrawal symptoms.
When it comes to navigating anxiety, facing your fears rather than running away from them—or drugging them into submission—is essential to reclaiming your freedom. Having uncomfortable emotions and sensations is normal. Taking a sedative is about escaping those sensations and emotions, when what we actually need to learn is to accept them.
Another critical issue with these drugs is that people begin to rely on them as a coping strategy at the expense of other, healthier emotion regulation techniques.
A great commentary by Martin Wolfe of the Financial Times arguing that mental health is our most urgent health problem. He states “Depression and anxiety cause more misery than physical illness ….” We need to take needed action, says Martin Wolfe. Yes, this is long overdue. “Mental Illness.” Financial Times (July 17, 2014).
Couples-Counseling Connection --- Marriage & Family (McLean, Virginia). 