Tag Archives: sexuality

Why More Intimacy During the Summer and Some Strategies.

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A fun piece appeared recently in the Wall Street Journal discussing why people feel sexier during the summer. It discusses why there is more interest in intimacy and some successful strategies to ensure happiness. Here’s an excerpt:

 

“Ever feel as if sex is everywhere in the summer? We’re wearing skimpier clothes, drinking stronger cocktails, getting some sun and delighting in a seductive breeze on our shoulders. And everywhere we look there seems to be an advertisement featuring beers, beaches and bikinis …. No wonder there’s a spike in interest in sexual activity in the summer, seen in everything from condom sales to online searches related to pornography and dating, research shows …. People reported having sex an average 5.6 times a month, or just more than once a week, according to a soon-to-be-published, nationally representative study of 1,500 Americans ages 18 to 88 from the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Yet there is a great deal of variation among individuals: About a third of people surveyed said they don’t have sex in a typical month; 30% said they have sex between one and four times; and 29% said they have sex between five and 16 times. The final 8% reported having sex more than 17 times a month …. Doom scrolling isn’t sexy, especially these days. It keeps your nervous system in a constant state of fight or flight …. Find something sensual to watch or listen to instead, such as your favorite turn-me-on music, a podcast about sex or an erotic audiobook. You can do this regularly throughout the day, while you’re taking a walk or making dinner. “You’re priming yourself to feel sexy” …. And, for heaven’s sake, put away your phone when you’re in the bedroom. Give your partner your full attention …. When you feel good, you’re more likely to get in the mood. Dress up, as you would for a date. Bare a little skin. The feel of a summer breeze on your shoulder can be an erotic trigger …. Research shows that novelty activates the brain’s reward system, flooding it with neurochemicals related to pleasure and bonding. And our enthusiasm about the activity often transfers to the person we’re doing it with. Strong emotions can amplify sexual arousal …. It makes you feel good. And it helps our bodies produce vitamin D, which might help sexual relations. Low vitamin D may cause lower testosterone levels in men and lower sexual desire and satisfaction in women.” “Summer Lovin Feeling.” Wall Street Journal (July 30, 2024)

Can a Sexless Marriage be a Happy One? — Yes, but it Depends.

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     What has emerged the last few years is the growth of the “sexless marriage.” Can it be successful in light of the common belief that sex is an integral part of marriage? A recent article in the New York Times explores this topic. Here a few interesting quotes ……….

 

  • Cultural attitudes about the role sex plays in a marriage have evolved significantly over time. Where once marital sex was primarily a means for bearing children, in recent decades, the conventional wisdom was that frequent sex was integral to a happy union. During the 1990s, a new wave of sex positivity coincided with the ascendancy of different forms of therapy, including couples counseling. Experts coached couples on how to strengthen their marriages, often relying on the belief that healthy relationships included consistent sex with partners. By the 2010s, appointment sex had become one popular method for maintaining intimacy and, somewhat implicitly, safeguarding against separation.

 

  • In more recent years, however, both relationship experts and couples themselves have been gradually dismantling some of these commonly held views, working to destigmatize the unconventional approaches that some take to stay together.

 

  • In fact, Americans on the whole are having less sex than they used to — across race, gender, region, educational level and work status.

 

  • Many younger women, for instance, shaped in part by the #MeToo movement, are engaging in intentional abstinence. There are trends on TikTok about going “boysober,” taking a break from sex can be empowering for women who previously altered their desires to accommodate men.

 

  • Love, for both, is about much more than fulfilling those momentary desires.

 

  • Becoming parents irrevocably changed their sex lives …. Mothers started to see sex as one more chore, another line item on their list of responsibilities.

 

  • Despite their insistence that sex isn’t essential in their marriages, most of the couples keep track of how often they have sex. They also appear haunted by how far they deviate from perceived norms.

 

  • For couples measuring themselves against the “fictions” of sex, or for those worried that their relationship is on the line whenever they enter the bedroom or don’t meet some monthly number, there may be too much pressure for sex to be enjoyable. It’s more important that couples establish what kind of sex is worth having.

                                “Sexless Marriage.” New York Times (April 17, 2024).