Dating online for ‘older men and women’ has increased significantly. Initially, it’s a bit confusing. But it does open up new worlds and often lead to greater individual awareness and happiness. The following are a few quotes from a recent article that interviewed many participants. It’s a generally very upbeat assessment.

• As tough as the process can be, older women have it worse than most. They report more negative online-dating experiences compared with men of all ages and younger women.  

• There’s also less pressure to marry the second time around. Only 15 percent of previously married women say they want to do it again …. Men, by contrast, have narrower social circles and emotional friendships than women do. Without a partner, they can feel more adrift and remarry quickly.

• The assumption that you will merge households declines. If parents or your community pushed you to marry a certain type of person in your 20s — because of religion, socioeconomic status, profession, race, sexuality, gender — that pressure may have dissipated or vanished.

• When I first started dating online, it felt as if a fire hydrant had opened — men appearing across my feed from different geographic areas, of different ages, races, professions. Since then, I have gone on dates and been in relationships with men who are smart, kind, funny and irreverent and who have lived in Maine, Boston, New York City, Ohio — which means I never would have met them without the apps.

• Always, in some way, the conversation comes around to sex. Some describe their sex experiences after marriage as the most expansive of their lives. After one woman divorced, she set her online age parameters for men down to their 20s and 30s with the intention of having flings. She made sure they lived in a different neighborhood, so she could separate her hookups from the rest of her life.

• In one Match survey, single people over 60 reported having more frequent orgasms than younger single people. And they are the least likely age group to fake orgasms. They also tend to be communicative: 57 percent said they feel comfortable asking their partner for exactly what they want in sex. That ease and honesty may be related to the fact that people grow more confident and happy in their 60s, according to multiple studies.

• Until she finds the right matches, she continues to unabashedly audition men who connect with her on dating apps. At her age, she, like many women I spoke to, has a better sense of who she is and what she desires, and sees no point in hiding it. “If I bat my eyes, I could get further. But for what?” There’s no sense in wasting time when life is growing too short.

“Couples Dating Online After 50.” New York Times (April 15, 2024).