Category Archives: Communications

Couples Arguing — Different Version of Events …. How to Move on.

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    Couple arguing (bed)

      Recent article discusses why couples have different versions of events and how they lead to arguments and what to do to overcome differing perceptions. Needless to say better communication could avoid this but certainly can overcome it. Several good rules.

  • Assume good intent. Most likely, your partner is not lying when his or her story differs from yours. Your memories of the event are simply different.
  • Accept that there is not one version of events. Both stories may have some validity.
  • Do not argue based on memories. Let go of ‘you did this,’ ‘no I didn’t.’
  • Focus on the truth of how the event made you feel, not your memory of what happened.
  • Practice collaborative memory. Recall joyful events—the birth of a child, a favorite vacation, the day you got the keys to your home.

“Honey, You Never Said …” Wall Street Journal (March 24, 2015).

Avoiding a Narcissistic Child — What is the Parent’s Role?

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Narcassitic child 2

 

 

Good article about what couples should do in their parenting to avoid a “me-centered child” growing into “another narcissist.” Better communication all around helps. But some dispute over the parent’s role but a very thoughtful piece.

 

“Are you Giving the World Another Narcissist?” Washington Post (March 19, 2015).

Foreign Postings, Foreign Affairs and Divorces — Not Necessarily Any More.

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Affairs

     The conventional wisdom is that a foreign posting for a corporate executive or professional can exacerbate marital problems and add new tensions. Some destinations particularly Asia and the Middle East have been traditionally viewed as notorious for ending in divorce. That’s because many foreign women think all American men are rich. This view also acknowledges that there are unique and tricky child-custody issues that often fall within the 1980 Hague Convention. That’s true.

 

     However, much has changed in the last few years to challenge this conventional wisdom. Essentially with 21st century Internet and telecommunications spouses and children are still connected with friends and relatives back home. Often the spouse also works in the same company or a local job.

 

      But after saying that the important fact to mitigate a higher divorce rate of couples living abroad is to openly communicate and be involved in each other’s lives. Foreign experiences should not necessarily end in marital discord. It should be a time of wonderful living and learning.

 

Bruno, “A Foreign Posting and Divorce.” Washington Post (March 19, 2015).

Active Love Life and Higher Cognitive Functioning — Yes, They are Related.

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   Couple (MSN 2013)
  New study concludes that an active love life seems to be linked to higher cognitive functioning. This is especially true as one gets older. This is a good study and gives you much evidence of the link between sexuality and cognitive functioning. Needless to say that you need to have good communications with your partner to make sure this happens.

 

“Active Love Life, Sharp Mind.” Wall Street Journal (March 3, 2015).

Childless Couples and the ‘Me-Ethos’ …… Will this Change?

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Couples and No Kids

     This article attributes the global flight from having kids to a “me-ethos” and “rational choice.” It argues that this is happening in almost all regions of the world. My response to this is while that may be true, in part, this trend may not hold up. in the short-term globalization and technology makes a younger couple seemingly have more options but they will probably settle down. Most people do. My expectation is that they will grow into more responsible and confident individuals and families. The poor economy worldwide over the last ten years has not been helpful. But that is changing. Will see …………..

 

“The Global Fight From the Family.” Wall Street Journal (2.21.15)

Couples and Money — Secretcy, No; Collaboration, Yes.

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Couples and Money 2
  Money and couples is a topic often reflect significant stress. This article argues that rather secretiveness a collaborative model should be adopted by a couple. I agree. But often this is easier said then done. Clearly a couple should have open communications concerning all issues concerning money. Couples counseling can help with a marriage therapist and a financial counselor.
“The Extramarital Bank Account.” Washington Post (Feb. 15, 2015).

Advice to those Giving Advice about Marital Problems — Just Listen, Don’t Give Advice.

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    Couples (Bad in Bed)
      Best advice to give someone giving advice to a couple or an individual having relationship problems is really not to give any advice. Just listen. Be a sympathetic listener. Don’t make it about you or your experience. Exercise your listening skills and short responses.

 

“Your Advice & Relationship Crisis to a Friend.” Wall Street Journal (Feb. 10, 2015).

Signs Before an Affair — Best Defense ………..

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Affairs

Here’s a new study that lists six critical factors that makes an affair more likely. Most significant — opportunity & dissatisfaction. Best defense — Open communication with your spouse.

 

“The Signs Before an Affair.” Wall Street Journal (Jan. 27, 2015).

What Do Google Analytics (Searches) Say About Sex & Our Relationships?

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 Couples 1 (Love)
   Extensive analysis of Google analytics concludes “….. hidden insecurities. Men and women are united in this insecurity and confusion.” One additional conclusion, “Many of our deepest fears about how our sexual partners perceive us are unjustified. ” Seems to argue for better communication. After so much data not very profound conclusions. But still very interesting data.

 

“What Do Google Analytics (Searches) Say About Sex & Our Relationships?” New York Times (Jan. 25, 2015).

Two Golden Principles of Good Communications …… Interested in People & Their Concerns.

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   Couple (MSN 2013)
  Two principles to follow in the workplace and in all personal communications. One, be interested in other people. Listen, don’t only tell them about yourself. Two, talk in terms of other person’s interest. Being self-centered, a poor listener and communicator are not good in business, inter-personal relations, or in couples communication. This should be obvious but unfortunately it isn’t.
“Golden’ Principles to Follow.” Washington Post (Jan. 19, 2015).