Tag Archives: relationship

Emotional Affairs — Not a Great Idea. But Can Tell You a Lot About Your Marriage.

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     A good piece appeared today discussing emotional affairs and how prevalent they are in our online age. The bottom line — It’s not necessarily sexual but it’s infidelity. An emotional connection outside your marriage tells you a lot about your marriage.

 

“Are you texting and emailing with a friend, or is it a kind of an affair? It can be a slippery slope. You likely have close confidants. But when you find yourself sharing more with someone than you do with your partner, developing romantic feelings for that person, and keeping this intimacy a secret, you may be having an emotional affair. Anyone could be susceptible to an emotional affair, especially in our online age. Social media has both expanded our opportunities for connection and made it easier to hide them from others. An emotional affair doesn’t necessarily mean sexual attraction. A friendship can slide into emotional infidelity when you keep it a secret from your spouse and prioritize the relationship over your marriage. An emotional connection outside of your marriage can tell you about what’s missing in your relationship.”  “Emotional Affairs.” Wall Street Journal (Oct. 23, 2024).

Renewing Intimacy after Infidelity — Yes, It’s Possible!

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     Renewing intimacy after infidelity is possible. It takes hard work but many couples have achieved this — Renewing intimacy (both emotional and physical) and a loving relationship occurs more often than many people think. The following is an excerpt from a very thoughtful article that appeared recently.

 

 

“Infidelity can be a devastating experience for both partners, leaving deep emotional wounds that need to heal. It’s hard work to rebuild trust and intimacy after the betrayal of infidelity, but when both partners are willing to do the work, it’s worth it. It is possible to move forward, find healing, and even rekindle the passion and connection you long for …. When you’re healing from broken trust, it can feel all-consuming. It is helpful to plan some weekly outings where talking about the infidelity and healing was off the table. To start having fun together again. All work and no fun stalls out the healing process.  A lot of work and some fun mixed in is key to working through the past and creating a new present and future together …. Put a regular date night on the calendar and then commit to not discussing “issues” on those dates …. As you grow emotional intimacy outside the bedroom, you begin healing inside the bedroom. There may be tears the first few times of physical intimacy. If that happens, slow things down and hold the hurting partner …. Infidelity can be a devastating experience, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship. With hard work and dedication, it is possible to move forward and find incredible intimacy and connection in your marriage.” “Renewing Intimacy after Infidelity.” (March 2023).

 

HOW TO KEEP ROMANCE GROWING OVER THE YEARS? TRY NEW EXPERIENCES!

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How to keep romance and love alive as couples grow over the years? A good article recently appeared. Its suggestion is to try new things. Here are a few excerpts …..

 

  • Is there a secret to contented monogamy? We need to make sure that our relationships are still encouraging us to learn, grow and become better versions of ourselves. Essentially, our strongest bonds broaden our sense of what is possible—a phenomenon psychologists call “self-expansion.”

 

  • We may blame our romantic lethargy on our partner’s flaws, but the real problem is usually that we miss that exhilarating sense of novelty. We’re not just tired of our partners, we’re tired of ourselves in the partnership, particularly when so much of our time is spent haggling over chores and other obligations.

 

  • Self-expansion isn’t simply a luxury of youthful courtship but an essential feature of any satisfying long-term relationship.

 

  • It isn’t enough to simply make time for each other. We need to think about how we are spending this time. Drinks and dinner are perfect activities when you are getting to know someone, but they may not properly nourish a more established relationship …. Couples are more likely to discover something new if they experience something unfamiliar together.

 

  • Relationships that offer opportunities for personal growth can also improve our health by buffering the effects of stress …. Couples who saw their partners as sources of insight, excitement and new experiences had more desire for sex with each other. Simply sharing new experiences and activities increased physical desire in long-term partnerships.

 

  • We are better off when we embrace the idea that romantic love is a dynamic process that evolves as we grow …. To keep things fresh, why not try something different?

“How Couples Keep Romance Going.” Wall Street Journal (May 12, 2024).

HEALTHY EXPECTATIONS WITHIN MARRIAGE.

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Here are 5 healthy expectations within marriage, according to a relationship therapist:

  1. You will both change and grow, constantly.

Couples who are happy together in older age have learned to accept and even find joy in their partner’s growth and change, even if this change is initially in areas that make them uncomfortable, like new interests, new priorities, or new values.

  1. Decisions are made together, taking both people’s needs and desires into account, in a spirit of balance and empathy. 

Aging and changing are normal and healthy. This in no way means that this age and change should lead to one partner completely denying or invalidating the other’s needs.

It is healthy to expect that partners will not make unilateral decisions in major areas, such as deciding to quit their job or stop having sex, without a discussion with their partner and acknowledgment that they do not exist in a vacuum. In healthy marriages, major decisions need to be made after efforts to deeply understand and empathize with your partner.

  1. Your partner should not treat you with disrespect or try to hurt you.

If you struggle with low self-esteem and observed conflict growing up, it is very hard to advocate for yourself when you are mistreated. It is also hard for other people to stop lashing out in anger if they experienced unchecked anger in their home growing up. Therapy can help you truly understand that this dynamic is not okay and that you need to expect more of your intimate relationship, your partner, and yourself.

  1. Your children will be the priority, but not the entire focus of your marriage.

It is healthy to expect that, after the newborn stage at least, parents will go out together on date nights at least once a month, and that this will increase as kids get older and more independent. It is also healthy to expect that your sexual intimacy will occur whether or not the kids are at home. And it is certainly healthy to spend time talking to your spouse and not let the children constantly interrupt and become the immediate focus. This sort of hyperfocus ruins your marriage and also makes your kids self-absorbed and rude.

  1. You can’t be the sole focus of each other’s lives, but need to spend some time together just the two of you.

In the honeymoon stage, it feels like you and your partner are alone in a private bubble, and this is totally normal. However, over time, most couples understand that they need to also focus on other aspects of a well-rounded life, including friendships, parenting, careers, hobbies, and so forth.

From — “5 Healthy Expectations of a Marriage.” MSN.com (Feb. 8, 2024).

Paranoia at Work …. Build Relationships …. Most Important

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Cyberespionage

Good article on the workplace. The conclusion is that hard work is important but relationships in the workplace are most beneficial. But you need a balance in the workplace — a good degree of suspicion and vigilance. “Paranoia at the Work is Out to Get You.” Financial Times ((July 18, 2014).